An American Responds to "25 Signs You Might Be Canadian"

1. You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK".
I don’t condone the accommodation of cows with alternative lifestyles.

2. You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."
OK, ewwww. Cheese curds and gravy on fries? Don’t let the folks from Idaho find out or they’ll come take all their potatoes back so you can’t abuse them further. You might be better off eating the serviette... or maybe the chesterfield...

3. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
I’m with you there. (Maybe I am somewhat Canadian)

4. You drink Pop, not Soda.They call it pop in the Midwest too. And for some odd reason in Tennessee. Both names are silly. I think we should call all carbonated beverages “Coke,” furthering the Coca-Cola company’s plan for world domination.

5. You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.
Some kind of poor hockey etiquette I’d imagine.

6. You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars and no Americans.
I would love to go to Cuba, but it’s cheap to go to Canada too. And since all the Canadians are already in Cuba… decisions, decisions.

7. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
I think that’s stupid too.

8. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
I don’t see how they can ever call them free-ways, when it costs nearly $8 to get from one side of Pennsylvania to the other. Plus, they make you pay $3 to leave New Jersey (but it’s worth it).

9. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
I can see that you'd need them with all those double taxes. Get back to me when you get some green stamps and Coca-Cola reward points....

10. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.
Something like Captain Kangaroo? Or is this about beer again…

11. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
That’s funny, we get excited whenenver Canadians say anything quasi-nice abooot America (which is pretty much never…).

12. You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & many more, are Canadians.
I do enjoy playing the “Guess which celebrities are Canadian” game. But, if you’re going to brag, then you need to change your list.I’ll give you Rush, Neil Young, The Guess Who, Joni Mitchell, Bare Naked Ladies and BTO. But Celine Dion, k d lang, Corey Hart, and Alanis Morisette should go back home, or perhaps to the Yukon. BTW, Peter Jennings LOVED us.

13. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
I suppose they’ll have to call it North American Airlines. Maybe put an eagle guzzling maple syrup on the side of the planes.

14. You know what a touque is.
Aren’t they those doofy hats your mom always made you wear, no matter how much you protested? Yeah, only skiers wear them here.

15. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Now that’s just funny. I envision homage to these in a pictorial coffee table book.

16. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee"
And this matters to whom? You may want to check the tightness of zee underpants.

17. Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
It’s still the same amount of violence as you’d find in an American newspaper.

18. You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road work.
OK, remind me why living in Canada is better…

19. You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.
In Florida, my Grandfather turns on the heat when it gets down to 80 degrees. Don’t be hatin’.

20. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
I don’t think we have Labatt Blue commercials. In fact, I've seen any beer commercials recently. But then I don’t watch hockey.

21. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan". (Sas-Kat-chew- wan)
Saskatoon is more fun to say.

22. You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.
See #20.

23. You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
See #16.

24. "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than,"Huh?"
It’s also funnier when you hear it from a native Italian who has lived in Canada way too long. Belissimo, eh?

25. You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Canadian friends!!!! and then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further (hehe )
I think you should send this to your Canadian friends now.